On Christmas morning, Mom drove to our apartment. I played music, poured the coffee, and made a big southern breakfast: bacon, eggs, grits and toast. I hoped to keep the mood upbeat, as if I were in charge of Christmas spirit. I acted the way I wanted to feel, and so far it was working. Mom, on the other hand, was quiet, barely holding it together.
-From “Girl in the Spotlight”, Chapter 24: Untangling
Earlier this week, I thought of this scene from my memoir “Girl in the Spotlight”, specifically this line: I hoped to keep the mood upbeat, as if I were in charge of Christmas spirit.
I eventually realized that as hard as I try to create a vibe; radiate positive energy, love and light; be a good hostess, etc, I’m powerless to change the mood of everyone else in the room.
Before I go any further, I want to add that I do believe we’re responsible for the energy we bring to a space, and it’s important to notice when we’re projecting our stuff onto others. I also believe that energy is contagious, so if we’re feeling jolly (or simply trying to feel jolly) there’s no harm in trying to spread the goodness around. In fact, it might even work! So don’t stop believing.
But here’s where we tripped up: When we forget that we’re not responsible for how others feel. We can’t change the lens through which they’re viewing their own life.
Even now, a mother myself, I feel like the holiday magic-maker. But because of a number of things going on behind-the-scenes, this year I’ve kept the holiday decor simple. I’m still wrapping presents. I haven’t planned the dinner menu. I’m literally taking things day by day.
And yet, I still light the candles, turn on twinkle lights, and play holiday jazz over the bluetooth speaker. I covered our kitchen chalk wall with quotes from the movie “Elf” (which became inspiration for a last-minute Christmas card).
I am a magic-maker, but I’m not responsible for making others receive, feel or catch that magic. We can make the magic and we can receive the magic, but we can’t control the magic. Nothing feels magical if the magic is forced. Sometimes we have to let things be what they are and trust that letting it be is exactly what’s needed.
For anyone who needs to hear this: It’s okay if nothing feels magical this year. Just as we’re learning to feel our own feelings, we have to give others space to feel theirs too.
My book:
Signed copies of “Girl in the Spotlight” are available on my website, at Buxton Books on King Street in downtown Charleston, at Main Street Reads in Summerville, and Paradiso Market in North Charleston.
It’s also available online from any of your favorite booksellers: Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Bookshop, and many more.
New on Instagram: 3 things I wish I knew before writing a book.
Here’s a look at that last-minute Christmas card:
A look ahead:
I’m starting a podcast in 2024! If you missed the quick survey, there’s still time to weigh in on the topics and themes that are important to you.
Good advice, Angie!