Taking a step back to move forward
The kids went back to school in mid-August, and within a few days we'd fallen into a nice groove. I said to myself, this feels really nice. There was a certain ease to the days that I hadn’t felt in a while.
A week later, Blake sprained his ankle which led to multiple doctors appointments and hobbling around on crutches. Then, Cate’s elementary school went virtual for at least two weeks because of rising Covid numbers.
When our back-to-school rhythm began to fall apart, I did a couple of things. First, I resisted the change, holding on to too many things. Then when my brain finally caught up (injured son, daughter doing school at the dining room table), I gave in to the change and tried to accept it. A few days later, I went a little numb inside.
By the end of the week, I hit a wall. A physical, mental, emotional wall.
It’s not that this particular set of circumstances is all that bad. Given the state of world, I have a new perspective about what’s a problem and what’s not. It's the feeling of being upended, again and again. It’s disorienting. And over the past year and a half we've all experienced it.
I told my husband that I wake up most mornings feeling stunned. I was proud of myself for coming up with that word, stunned. I'd finally found a word that felt accurate. And then I felt a sense of relief, which made me remember something a therapist told me years ago: When you say the thing out loud, it loses its power over you.
Today I'm feeling better—a little less stunned—because even the upended days find their own rhythms eventually. I’m prioritizing the basics: sleep, water, exercise and taking breaks to eat. Everything that’s important is getting done, and other things are on hold. When life is upended, what’s important changes, too.
This week on Instagram I wrote about how sometimes we need to take a step back in order to move forward.
If you're feeling upended—I hope these words help you find a small piece of solid ground.
