It's time to change the conversation
about what it means to live a successful life
Two weeks ago, one of my Instagram posts went viral. It was a short reel about my son’s decision to go to the college where his dad and I met and fell in love.
At the time I published this newsletter, the post had 380,000 views, 8,800 likes and 1,900 shares.
In the 16 years that I’ve been writing online, this has never happened. It’s been fascinating to analyze what might’ve made this particular post pop: trending audio that’s so nostalgic I can’t get it out of my head, the South Carolina Gamecocks huge women’s basketball win, and—for a whole host of other reasons—it made people feel things.
I remember what author Emily P. Freeman once said about going viral: People leave as quickly as they come. Although I can see an uptick on my Instagram post views overall, one viral post hasn’t immediately translated to becoming an “overnight success”.
When it comes to raising kids, creating and living out a vision, or building, well, anything, we know that few things happen overnight.
My memoir is about building a career in the spotlight and reaching a critical crossroads, suddenly wondering where my life was really headed. It took walking away from big dreams to heal, grow, and move on to the next stage of my life. I had to shake loose from society’s (and my own) narrow definition of success. I had to deconstruct all the things I believed I had to do and accomplish to make my life meaningful.
And yet, here I am decades later: an author and public speaker who is still living and working in the spotlight. I never completely stepped away from a vocation that thrives on being visible.
The difference between then and now is what motivates me to do the work. I’ll start by saying that the things that drew me to television news weren’t entirely superficial. I’m authentically drawn to telling stories—other people’s as well as my own. I also have a natural inclination towards writing and public speaking. Still, learning how to be on TV, especially live TV, was downright terrifying! But there was also something deeply gratifying about pushing through that fear and getting better and more confident through repetition and practice. I learned so much during that time in my life.
There were also many aspects of working in news that, over time, started to wear me down. I could no longer identify the real reason I was working so hard, and for what? At what cost and to what end?
Going viral on the internet could eventually lead to more followers, readers, and book sales (which, let’s be real, making money is necessary for any business to grow and be sustainable for the long haul). But there’s no magic formula. The real trick is to keep showing up.
Since my book has launched, I’ve spoken to rooms full of people and some with only a handful. Sometimes I sell books, sometimes I don’t. The difference now is that I know why I’m working so hard, and for what. I know the cost, and when I search my heart I know that the time, energy and dedication to this path feels worth it.
Things like going viral can quickly become noise—a distraction from my true purpose—but only if I let it. Each day I have to remind myself to walk my talk and live out the lessons that I learned all those years ago.
I must daily do the work of staying rooted in my own authenticity, creating space and margin to do that, and being consistent. There are rarely overnight successes, it only looks that way, and there are so many different and valid ways to measure success.
I know you’re out there, showing up each day and working so hard to make sense and meaning out of your own life. I want to encourage you to keep your sense of self-worth, your values, and the awareness of what lights you up and motivates you at the center of your vision.
Aiming for success isn’t unhealthy or wrong. Just don’t get lost in that quest. Stay true to who you are, whether all eyes are on you or whether you feel invisible. Trust that you have true and unique gifts and abilities that the world very much needs for you to show up and give.
You won’t always know what to do. Even your most authentic choices won’t have guaranteed outcomes. What matters is that you continue to be your own friend and partner in this journey.
It’s good to have outside support and validation to measure whether something is working or not, but it’s not the only way to measure success and it’s not always the most important way.
As I approach 50 and my oldest child prepares to leave for college to begin his young adult life, I pause to recognize how I’m still in the process of becoming. I hope that this online community will continue to be a place of encouragement and shared stories as we navigate the ups, downs and ever-changing seasons of life.
Tomorrow! Saturday April 27 is Independent Bookstore Day. I’ll be signing books at Main Street Reads in Summerville from 11-noon.
At 2pm, I’ll be speaking at the Baxter-Patrick James Island Library. If you live in the Charleston, SC area, I hope to see you there!
